Laws of software

Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or 
forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.


Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment 
received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.


Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.


Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. 
It can only be converted from one form to another. 
The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!

True Software Pro...

Husband is a Software Professional!!
Husband : Good evening dear, I am now logged in.
Wife : Have you brought the ring?
Husband : Bad command or File name.
Wife : But I told in the mornin.......
Husband : Erroneous Syntax, Abort?
Wife : What about your salary?
Husband : File in use.
Wife : What about my new saree?
Husband : Variable not found.
Wife : At least give me your credit card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation, Access Denied.
Wife : Do you love me or do you only like computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters.
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married a stupid guy like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : It is by default.
Wife : By the way who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.

Prove.. 

2 / 10 = 2 
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Art student : Out of syllabus 
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Commerce student : Question hi galat hai 
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Medical student : it's strange yaar, ye kaise ho sakta hai? 
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Engineering student : it is very easy 

TWO / TEN 

=WO / EN 

(W=23rd letter, O=15th letter, E=5th letter & N=14th letter) 

=23+15 / 5+14 

=38 / 19 

=2 

Engineer never ask... 

Ans kya hai? 

They only ask ans. Kya lana hai. 

That's Engineering.

The ' Corporate ' language !! 

'We will do it'    
means   
You will do it' 

'You have done a great job'    
means   
'More work to be given to you' 

'We are working on it'    
means     
'We have not yet started working on the same' 

'Tomorrow, first thing in the morning'    
means 
'Its not getting done...    At least not tomorrow !'. 

'After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views' 
means       
'I have already decided, I will tell you what to do' 

'There was a slight miscommunication'    
means        
'We had actually lied' 

'Lets call a meeting and discuss'       
means     
'I have no time now, will talk later' 

'We can always do it'         
means      
'We actually cannot do the same on time' 


'We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline'
means 
'The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.' 

'We had slight differences of opinion'
means
'We had actually fought' 

'Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you'                  means 
'Anyway you have to find a way out , no help from me' 

'You should have told me earlier'
means
'Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!' 


'We need to find out the real reason'
means
'Well I will tell you where your fault is' 

'Well.... family is important, your leave is always  granted. 
Just ensure that the work is not affected'
means 
'Well you know...' 

'We are a team'
means 
'I am not the only one to be blamed' 

'That's actually a good question'
means
'I do not know anything about it' 
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AND FINALLY, THE BEST OF ALL...
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'All the Best'                
means                   
'You are in trouble'

Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.
--Ralph Johnson
 
It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it;
 it's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.
--Steve McConnell Code Complete
 
Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, 
ask yourself, 'How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?' 
Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer.
--Steve McConnell Code Complete
 
If debugging is the process of removing bugs,
 then programming must be the process of putting them in.
--Edser Dijkstra 
 
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.
--Alan J. Perlis 
 
The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. 
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
--Tom Cargill 
 
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
--attributed to Norm Schryer 
 
Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more months might 
as well have been written by someone else.
--Eagleson's law 
 
The primary duty of an exception handler is to get the error out of the lap 
of the programmer and into the surprised face of the user. 
--Verity Stob 
 
Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions 
of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, 
but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.
--Alan Kay 
 
Technology is dominated by two types of people: 
Programmers - Those who understand what they do not manage. 
Managers - Those who manage what they do not understand.
--Putt's Law