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Technical Jokes
- Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press any key' to 'Press
Enter key' because of the flood of calls asking where is the 'Any' key.
- AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packed in !
- Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes. then rolled them into
his typewriter to type on the labels.
- Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later. a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies
of the floppies.
- A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold
on, put the receiver next to the phone, crossed his room and closed
the door to his room.
- Another Del customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting. the tech discovered
the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of
the monitor screen and hitting the 'Send' key.
- Yet another Dell customer called to complain tat his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
and washing them individually.
- A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was engraged
because his computer had told him he was 'bad and invalid'. The tech
explained that the computer's 'bad' command and 'invalid' resoponses
shouldn't be taken personally.
- An exasperated caller to Dell computer Tech support couldn't get
her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on" this foot pedal
and nothing happened". The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's
mouse.
- A confused caller to IBM told the technician that the computer had
said it 'couldn't find printer'. The user had tried turning the computer
screen to face the printer, but that his computer 'still' couldn't 'see'
the printer.
- Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. she said, she unpacked the unit, plugged it
in and sat there for 20 minutes, waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'what
power switch ? '
- True story from a Novel Netware SysOp:
caller: "Hello, Is this tech support ? "
Tech: "Yes, It is. How may I help you ?"
caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am withing my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed ?"
Tech: "Did you say a Cup holder ? "
caller: "Yes ! it is attached to the front of my computer"
Tech: "Please excuse me If I seem a bit stumped, It's because
I am. Did you received this as part of a promotional,
at a trade show ?"
caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about
a
promotional, It just has 4X on it."
At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't
stand it He was laughing too high. The caller had been Using the load
drawer of CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
- Another IBM customer had troubles in installing software and rang
for support, "I put in the first disk and that was OK. It said
to put in the second disk and I had. Some problems with that disk when
It said put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The
user hadn't realised that "Insert disk 2" meant to remove
disk 1 first.
Submissions
- Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work. Practice
is when something works, but you don't know why it works.Programmers
combine theory and practice : Nothing works and they don't know why.
- by Yugesh Chindarkar Posted on 2007-02-07
-
Why call center guys are paid so much.....
PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. ...?
TAKE A LOOK:
1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
--------------------------------------------------
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------
8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------
11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document,
but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------
12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
--------------------------------------------------
The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings
tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keeps quite for moment)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup and it will fix the problem!
All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right.
The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this,
but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke.com/>
at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes. 10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE.
Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
H eight Of all (Too Good)
15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now
and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
- A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over
to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar
and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000.''
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist
went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey.
Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?''
The shopkeeper answered, ''Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast,
tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.'' The tourist looked at the
monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expensive - $10,000!
What does it do?'' ''Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented
programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,''
said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and
saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck
read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ''That one costs more than
all the others put together! What on earth does it do?'' The shopkeeper
replied, ''Well, I don't actually know, but the other two called him
boss.''
by
Gitanjali Gupta, posted on 2008-06-01
- Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During
the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You`re all part of our team now.
You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen
for something to eat. So don`t trouble the other employees. The cannibals
promise not to trouble the other employees. A month later the boss returns
and says: "You`re all working very hard, and I`m very satisfied with
all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of
you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavowed all knowledge
of the missing cleaner. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals
says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?" A hand raises
hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For
four weeks we`ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers
so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
by Gitanjali Gupta, posted on 2008-06-01
You can use form below to submit Jokes,
They will appear with your name
| Suggestions/Comments/Views Submitted |
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very ggod
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he best of the lot was very nice
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Johny Johny
Yes Papa
Private Company?
Yes Papa
Any Motivation
No Papa
Many Tension?
Yes Papa
Do you sleep Well ?
No Papa
Onsite Opportunity?
No Papa
Boss Scolding?
Yes Papa
Increment ?
Ha Ha Ha
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CHINTOO v/s BOSS
Chintu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam...
Chintu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine...
Chintu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Appraisal ke ummid main deta salami....
Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Chintu ka haal
Chintu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha.....
Aakhir ek din Chintu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Appraisal ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Appraisal ke laddu se buddu banate ho..."
"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Appraisal dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Chintus hai mere paas"...
"Yeh duniya Chintuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karaunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Chintu banaunga"
Thnx
Chintoo
Don't Laugh u r also a Chintoo.
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Laws of software
Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or
forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.
Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment
received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.
Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer.
It can only be converted from one form to another.
The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!
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