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May 21, 2024
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    Technical Jokes

  1. Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press any key' to 'Press Enter key' because of the flood of calls asking where is the 'Any' key.
  2. AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packed in !
  3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes. then rolled them into his typewriter to type on the labels.
  4. Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later. a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
  5. A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, put the receiver next to the phone, crossed his room and closed the door to his room.
  6. Another Del customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting. the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the 'Send' key.
  7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain tat his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
  8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was engraged because his computer had told him he was 'bad and invalid'. The tech explained that the computer's 'bad' command and 'invalid' resoponses shouldn't be taken personally.
  9. An exasperated caller to Dell computer Tech support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on" this foot pedal and nothing happened". The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's mouse.
  10. A confused caller to IBM told the technician that the computer had said it 'couldn't find printer'. The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer 'still' couldn't 'see' the printer.
  11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. she said, she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes, waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'what power switch ? '
  12. True story from a Novel Netware SysOp:
    caller: "Hello, Is this tech support ? "
    Tech: "Yes, It is. How may I help you ?"
    caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am withing my
    warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed ?"
    Tech: "Did you say a Cup holder ? "
    caller: "Yes ! it is attached to the front of my computer"
    Tech: "Please excuse me If I seem a bit stumped, It's because
    I am. Did you received this as part of a promotional,
    at a trade show ?"
    caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
    promotional, It just has 4X on it."
    At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it He was laughing too high. The caller had been Using the load drawer of CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
  13. Another IBM customer had troubles in installing software and rang for support, "I put in the first disk and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk and I had. Some problems with that disk when It said put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realised that "Insert disk 2" meant to remove disk 1 first.


  14. Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work. Practice is when something works, but you don't know why it works.Programmers combine theory and practice : Nothing works and they don't know why. - by Yugesh Chindarkar Posted on 2007-02-07
  15. Why call center guys are paid so much..... 
    1 ) Tech Support   : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." 
    Customer   : "Ok." 
    Tech Support   : "Did you get a pop-up menu?" 
    Customer   : "No." 
    Tech Support   : "Ok. Right click again. Do you   see a pop-up menu?" 
    Customer   : "No." 
    Tech Support   : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what  you have done up until this point?" 
    Customer   : "Sure, you told me to write 'click'  and I wrote 'click'." 
    2) Customer   : "I received the software update you sent, 
                     but I am still getting the same error  message." 
    Tech Support   : "Did you install the update?" 
    Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" 
    3)Customer  : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." 
    Tech Support   : "Tell me what you've done." 
    Customer   : "I typed 'A: SETUP'." 
    Tech Support   : "Ma'am, remove the disk and  tell me what it says." 
    Customer   : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." 
    Tech Support   : "Insert the MS Word setup disk." 
    Customer   : "What?" 
    Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" 
    Customer: "No..." 
    4).Customer   : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" 
    Tech Support  : ?!%#$   (welll pretend to smile) 
    5).Tech Support   : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
                        canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?" 
    Customer   : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
    Tech support   :  ##### *** 
    6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?" 
    Customer   : "A white one." 
    Tech support  :  ******_____#### 
    7). Tech Support   : "What operating system are  you running?" 
    Customer   : "Pentium." 
    Tech support   :  ////-----+++ 
    8). Customer   : "My computer's telling me I   performed an illegal abortion." 
    Tech support   :  ?????? 
    9).Cus tomer   : "I have Microsoft Exploder." 
    Tech Support  : ?!%#$ 
    10).Customer   : "How do I print my voicemail?" 
    Tech support   :  ?????? 
    11). Customer   : "You've got to fix my computer.  
    I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support : "What does it say?" Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." Tech support : @@@@@ -------------------------------------------------- 12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" -------------------------------------------------- 13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?" Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support : "Well?" Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?" Tech support : *** ---- ++++ -------------------------------------------------- The best of the lot 14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech: What's the problem? User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech: (keeps quite for moment) Tech: You'll need a new power supply. User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up. Tech support::(hush hush) Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke.com/> at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes. 10 minutes later. User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using? User : MS-DOS 6.22. Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later. User : I need a new power supply. Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion? Tech support : (hush hush) User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
    and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. ------------------------------------------------- H eight Of all (Too Good) 15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
  16. A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000.'' The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?'' The shopkeeper answered, ''Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.'' The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?'' ''Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,'' said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ''That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?'' The shopkeeper replied, ''Well, I don't actually know, but the other two called him boss.''
    Gitanjali Gupta, posted on 2008-06-01
  17. Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You`re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don`t trouble the other employees. The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. A month later the boss returns and says: "You`re all working very hard, and I`m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disavowed all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?" A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we`ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
    by Gitanjali Gupta, posted on 2008-06-01


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